Want to avoid an invitation? Try the 'soft no' | Polly Hudson

2026-02-04 - 11:05

I didn’t know how to refuse the offer of a drink without causing offence – until I learned how to kindly demur Although honesty is the best policy in general, justice for Pinocchio, because it turns out sometimes lying is the only option. In certain situations, if you didn’t smash the glass and break out an emergency fib, you’d simply be cruel. The secret to pulling it off in a way you can live with, as I’ve just learned, is in the branding. I was faced with a delicate dilemma: an acquaintance I had unwittingly socialised with in a group messaged me, suggesting a drink one-on-one. There is no way of saying thanks but no thanks to that kind of invitation without causing offence. This person is perfectly nice, it’s not like an evening with them would be an ordeal, but I was pretty confident we had more than covered the totality of our common ground during the group hang. Life’s quite short, isn’t it. I really didn’t want to hurt their feelings, but I also really didn’t want to go. However, backed into a corner, I came to the conclusion I’d have to spend time, money and small talk doing it anyway, because of stupid old politeness. Continue reading...