The sun may be shining but beware eating alfresco – it can turn into an absolute indignity

2026-03-23 - 11:19

During a trip to London I ended up perching on a wall, balancing a salad bowl on my knees. It wasn’t what I’d had in mind Spring seems to be settling in and that’s great, but I have been recently reminded of one of its worst bits: not hay fever or wrong coat season, but the absolute indignity of alfresco eating. I usually avoid eating outside; it’s fraught with dangers, from the stress position that is “sitting on picnic blanket” to seagull attack. But last week, giddy with the warm weather and leaving my sordid home office to come to London, my better judgment deserted me. I had one goal: I would treat myself to one of those fancy salad bowls I keep reading about (the “slop” ones that are harbingers of civilisational collapse), sitting in the sun. I wanted to emulate metropolitan sophisticates by paying £12 for elite rabbit food; I wanted improbable amounts of protein and fancy dressing; I wanted vitamin D. You don’t get that in York. Continue reading...