I thought my cuckoo clock was amazing, but it’s got nothing on my statue of Bert the cheery chef | Adrian Chiles

2026-03-25 - 17:50

Installed in my home, Bert is a conversation starter like no other. It usually begins with: ‘What on earth is that thing?’ I came across something that makes me happy every day. It’s a figurine of a cheery chef chap holding up a menu board in one hand and giving a big thumbs up with the other. I found it in a reclamation yard in Old Hill in the Black Country. It’s run by a bloke called Bert, who’s very funny in a bone-dry kind of way. The first time I met him he told me he was also a West Brom fan and asked me about our poor season. I told him I couldn’t face discussing them. Half an hour later, as I was negotiating a price for something, I asked him if there was a discount for West Brom fans. He looked at me and said, “You didn’t want to talk about them a minute ago.” There was no discount. Anyway, I decided to name my chef statue after him. Technically I suppose it’s more of a statuette but that’s a bit feminine-sounding for Bert. I was charmed by Bert – both Berts, actually, but here I refer to the statue – the moment I saw him but, as is the way of these things, I didn’t buy him because, you know, where do you put such an object? A week or two passed, though, and his cheeky little face kept coming to mind. So I went back to buy Bert from Bert and he was mine. And mine he will remain until death doth us part. Do you have an opinion on the issues raised in this article? If you would like to submit a response of up to 300 words by email to be considered for publication in our letters section, please click here. Continue reading...